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My "Top 15 Funniest Quotes" series continues. First, I took on golf, in the second article of the series I take on soccer. Soccer, or football as the rest of the world calls it, can be full of hilarious moments...

Top 15 Funniest Quotes from Soccer Players, Managers, and Commentators

by Thomas (Senior Writer)

59

3879 reads

Humor

September 06, 2008

Humor, Soccer, World Football, EPL, International Football, La Liga, Scottish Premier League, Everton, Celtic, Phil Neville , Mark Viduka , Alan Shearer, Ruud van Nistelrooy

My "Top 15 Funniest Quotes" series continues.  First, I took on golf, in the second article of the series I take on soccer. 

Soccer, or football as the rest of the world calls it, can be full of hilarious moments.  It can also be full of hilarious or stupid comments from players, managers, and commentators alike.  Here's the top fifteen quotes that show how funny or stupid some comments are.

Player Quotes

1. "I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country." - Ian Rush

2. "Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today." - Steve Lomas

3. "The Brazilians were South America, and the Ukranians will be more European." - Phil Neville

4. "I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league." - Mark Viduka

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5. "I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well." - Alan Shearer

 

Managers

1. "I was a young lad when I was growing up." - David O'Leary

2. "We must have had 99% of the game. It was the other three per cent that cost us the match." - Ruud Gullit

3. "If they hadn't scored, we would've won." - Howard Wilkinson

4. "I have a number of alternatives, and each one gives me something different." - Glenn Hoddle

5. "It was a game we should have won. We lost it because we thought we were going to win it. But then again, I thought that there was no way we were going to get a result there." - Jack Charlton

 

Commentators

1. "The ageless Dennis Wise, now in his thirties." - Martin Tyler

2. "Martin O'Neill, standing, hands on hips, stroking his chin." - Mike Ingham

3. "West Germany's Briegel hasn't been able to get past anyone yet - that's his trademark." - John Helm

4. "Sporting Lisbon in their green and white hoops, looking like a team of zebras." - Peter Jones

5. "Celtic manager Davie Hay still has a fresh pair of legs up his sleeve." - John Greig

 

Here is the first article in this series for those who are interested.

The Funny Side Of Golf: Top 15 Golf Quotes

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comments (59) write a comment »

  1. reply to comment by Andrew
    2 months ago

    haha that's 15 quotes Mr Leemon :P

    Enjoyed it.

    1. by Thomas
      from 2 months ago

      oops.

    2. by Thomas
      from 2 months ago

      fixed it Sir!

  2. reply to comment by Tim
    2 months ago

    Nice one. Good laugh!

    1. by Thomas
      from 2 months ago

      thanks.

  3. reply to comment by Yoosof
    2 months ago

    Good article Thomas, and a good laugh.

    1. by Thomas
      from 2 months ago

      thanks Yoosof.

  4. reply to comment by Thomas
    2 months ago

    does anyone happen to know who that guy in the picture is?

  5. reply to comment by Daniel
    2 months ago

    "Football is like chess, but without the dice" by Lukas Podolski

    1. by Thomas
      from 2 months ago

      that's a good one from my man Podolski.

  6. reply to comment by Salaar
    2 months ago

    Good stuff, thomas..had a hearty laugh.

    1. by Thomas
      from 2 months ago

      no doubt some people could use it. thanks Salaar.

  7. reply to comment by Salomon
    2 months ago

    "Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today." -

    That one made me fall off my bed lol ...

    1. by Thomas
      from 2 months ago

      lol, that's gotta be one of the stupidest statements in this article.

      my favorite is vaduka's ""I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league." lol.

      Thanks for the comment, Salomon. Glad I get u out of bed, haha.

    2. by Anon
      from 2 months ago

      yeah dude, on goal difference!!!
      (you can add that to your article as well i suppose!)

  8. reply to comment by Stefan
    2 months ago

    Hilarious :)

    1. by Thomas
      from 2 months ago

      thank u =)

  9. reply to comment by Zahi
    2 months ago

    great article.. enjoyed it, very funny

    1. by Thomas
      from 2 months ago

      thanks. next in this series is basketball.

  10. reply to comment by Keith
    2 months ago

    Haha Thomas that was brill. I wrote something similar one time about a an Irish soccer pundit, check it out.

    http://bleacherreport.com/articles/29417-soccer-punditry-at-its-best-eamonn-dunphy

    1. by Thomas
      from 2 months ago

      haha, ok i will.

  11. reply to comment by Chris
    2 months ago

    My personal favourite is from a football commentator, who's name escapes me, describing some treatment recieved by David Ginola after he picked up a blow to the face:

    "And they're putting vaseline in his eye, just like they do in the ring".

    Quality.

    Good article mate, made me chuckle.

    1. by Thomas
      from 2 months ago

      didnt hear that one yet.

  12. reply to comment by Shyam
    2 months ago

    Great stuff.. surprised you didnt get King Kev in there.. still a great set of quotes.

    Wonderful work, Thomas.

    1. by Thomas
      from 2 months ago

      i didnt get to hear that one. what he'd say? thanks btw.

  13. reply to comment by Alan
    2 months ago

    Very funny article Thomas. David Pleat (ITV Commentator) is also worth a mention, some of the stuff he comes out with is gold.

    "There's a little bit of a South American touch, if that's not Irish, about this European side, Portugal"

    "I was inbred into the game by my father"

    "There's Thierry Henry, exploding like the French train that he is"

    "A game is not won until it is lost"

    "Winning isn't the end of the world"

    "This is a real cat and carrot situation"

    "I've seen some players with very big feet, and some with very small feet"

    "And the steam has gone completely out of the Spanish sails"

    "He's got a brain under his hair"

    "Pires has got something about him, he can go both ways depending on who's facing him"

    "That would have put the icing on his start"

    1. by Thomas
      from 2 months ago

      lol, i dont get ITV so I don't hear him. Ur right, some of his could be in my list. Dang ESPN & FOX.

    2. by Thomas
      from 2 months ago

      I forgot one other one.

      'I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet.' - David Beckham

  14. reply to comment by Ricky
    2 months ago

    great read, good laugh!

    1. by Thomas
      from 2 months ago

      thanks.

  15. reply to comment by Lisa
    2 months ago

    Hilarious...#4 about losing all the games but winning the league...OMG. POTD! Great stuff, and I am not a soccer fan!

    1. by Thomas
      from 2 months ago

      haha, thanks!

  16. reply to comment by Jeff
    2 months ago

    Haha I got a good laugh out of this. Good job Thomas!

    1. by Thomas
      from 2 months ago

      thanks.

  17. reply to comment by Marc
    2 months ago

    Terry Venables must get No.1

    "I am a firm believer that if history repeats itself, the same thing will happen again"

    Hahaha

    1. by Thomas
      from 2 months ago

      maybe I should do a part 2

  18. reply to comment by gem
    2 months ago

    hahaha classic

    1. by Thomas
      from 2 months ago

      thanks.

  19. reply to comment by Eric
    2 months ago

    You need some Bill Shankly quotes in there.

    “Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I assure you, it's much more serious than that.”
    “Me having no education. I had to use my brains.”
    “What a great day for football, all we need is some green grass and a ball.”
    “If you're not sure what to do with the ball, just pop it in the net and we'll discuss your options afterwards.”

    1. by Thomas
      from 2 months ago

      I definately need a part2!

  20. reply to comment by Bela
    2 months ago

    Wonderful. I like George Best's quote.

    "I spent a lot of money on booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered."

    1. by Thomas
      from 2 months ago

      ugh, haha. great.

  21. reply to comment by Andrew
    2 months ago

    A John Motson classic:

    'For those watching in black and white, Spurs are the side in yellow.'

    1. by Thomas
      from 2 months ago

      LOL

  22. reply to comment by Khalid
    2 months ago

    Haha..hella funny. Thanks for the article.

    1. by Thomas
      from 2 months ago

      welcome.

  23. reply to comment by Alan
    2 months ago

    Haha very nice!

    1. by Thomas
      from 2 months ago

      thanks.

  24. reply to comment by Salomon
    2 months ago

    I forgot who said this but this line was damn funny ...

    " If there was no such thing as football, we'd all be frustrated footballers" ...

    1. by Thomas
      from 2 months ago

      i dont know either.

  25. reply to comment by Gerard
    2 months ago

    It seems everton had some REAL tards. By the way I laughed at the picture for at least 20 minutes

    1. by Thomas
      from 2 months ago

      haha, thanks for that. who knew Everton was a great source of amusement? lol

  26. reply to comment by Gerard
    2 months ago

    It seems everton had some REAL tards. By the way I laughed at the picture for at least 20 minutes

  27. reply to comment by Ismail
    2 months ago

    Where's the Keegan quote... the one where he goes 'that would have been a goal, if the keeper didn't save it' hahaha

    1. by Thomas
      from 2 months ago

      haha

    2. by Max
      from 2 months ago

      That's a funny one, and it reminds me of the John Madden (American football just in case somebody doesn't know) quote "the team that scores more points usually wins the game." or my personal favorite, "when you put the ball in the endzone it's a touchdown". I suppose thats another article though, you could probably do a top 15 of american football quotes with only John Madden

  28. reply to comment by chico
    2 months ago

    ha ha ha

    1. by Thomas
      from 2 months ago

      thank u

  29. reply to comment by Dorothy
    2 months ago

    Very, very funny! Loved it!

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About the Author Thomas (senior writer)

  • 128 articles written
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