To: Adam Jones
Re: ?
Adam, Adam, Adam.
Have you ever heard the phrase, "Don't bite the hand that feeds you"?
In this case that hand could either be Jerry Jones or the now infamous bodyguard. Either way, you bit it, and that wasn't so smart.
I heard Jerry Jones told you to keep a "lower profile." Getting in a fight with your bodyguard, in the same hotel that Commish Goodell was also in, is not exactly low profile.
Bodyguards are for protection. Conventional wisdom says don't piss them off.
To: Jerry Jones
Re: Mission Impossible
Jerry, this team will self-destruct in three weeks.
Here's the rundown:
You've got a coach calling his training camps "Camp Marshmallow" and "Camp Cupcake," not exactly implying the toughness that the NFL is known for.
Brad Johnson is now your starting quarterback.
Adam Jones.
Terrell Owens. And seriously, T.O. isn't going to like Johnson's inability to get him the ball. In fact, it's going to make him furious.
You've now got two players named Roy Williams on your team.
Okay, back to T.O. How's he going to feel about Williams catching passes?
Mr. Jones, you've created a monster.
To: Tom Coughlin
Re: May is National Stroke Awareness Month
- B/R Ticket Guide
I saw you on the sidelines Monday night, and I swear I thought it was going to happen.
That stroke I've been so concerned about with you was close.
You've got to take it a little easier over there. You were so angry, I really thought the stroke was coming.
Settle down Tom—you're the Super Bowl Champ. So what if Eli threw three picks? He threw 20 last year. He's on pace for 11.
Don't you know Eli's the new Peyton?
To: Nail-Biters Anonymous
Re: Drunk With Anxiety
Boy, you nail-biters. Sunday was your worst nightmare.
Five games decided in the final minute.
What a way to fall off the wagon.
To: Chris Berman
Re: The New Swami
Move over Boomer, here comes Steve Young.
I saw that Steve Young predicted the Browns to beat the Giants. I know you thought he was crazy, but look at that—he was right!
What did he have to lose, right?
I mean, you on the other hand, while you've already jumped the shark, you still have the self-greatness to yourself to protect, so no way you could go and predict that one.
But Steve, not so much. Sure, he'd have been ribbed in the ESPN cafeteria for a few days had he been wrong, but he got it right, and that's enough for at least two weeks worth of bragging rights.
I'm sure you rolled your eyes when you heard that pick. Taking the Browns over the Giants is like saying the Rams would beat the Redskins. Oh, wait...
To: Brett Favre
Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Eh
Okay, you disappeared among all the comebacks, but that wasn't such a great game on Sunday.
And then I heard today that you called Tony Romo. What on Earth could you have to tell him? You never missed a game.
You told Tony that your thumb injury "hurt like hell, but that doesn't mean a pinkie would be any easier."
That sounds a lot like sarcasm Brett.
Did you also mention to Tony that Chris Simms once played a game with a ruptured spleen?
I guess everyone is looking to rub salt in the wounds of the Cowboys this week, huh?
To: The Miami Dolphins
Re:Re: Wildcat
Oh my God, you guys are so revolutionary.
I can hardly wrap my mind around what you guys are doing with this Wildcat offense.
Talk about filling up the play-by-play sheet. It took like six lines of print to describe that ONE play.
Ronnie Brown in the shotgun, hands off to Ricky Williams, who shovel passes it to Chad Pennington. Pennington then throws it to Patrick Cobbs for a 53-yard touchdown.
So my question to you is simple: If the quarterback touches the ball, is it still a Wildcat?
comments (44) write a comment »
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about 1 month ago
Great article! I look forward to your Letters to the NFL every week! I can't wait to see how everything pans out in Dallas. What a train wreck that's building up to be!
from about 1 month ago
eric, thanks so much for the comments.
yeah the cowboys saga is like an episode of "dallas."
such a soap opera and so entertaining.
thanks again!!
about 1 month ago
Can we go back to calling him Pacman now?
from about 1 month ago
j, i think it's cool. old habits die hard, right?
from about 1 month ago
Or don't die at all...in Pacman's case.
about 1 month ago
Nice D!! I love it.
I would add one to Lovie Smith:
RE: 9 minus 3 is 6....
4th and goal from the one. Down by 9. A FG puts you down by 6, with a chance to win it if your D holds the Falcons.
Take the points and move on. Glad you didn't!!
from about 1 month ago
gd, thanks for reading.
i'm glad he didn't. as stated before, i'm thankful for a few of his decisions.
some strange moves for a head coach that is considered top-of-the-class. still think he is, everybody has a bad day.
i like the idea of reminding him of his subtraction. hah!
thanks!
about 1 month ago
Haha, love the Brett Favre to Tony Romo comments.
from about 1 month ago
bryn,
thanks. yeah i heard about this phone call and couldn't pass it up.
about 1 month ago
Ugh, I am wondering what is up with the 'Boys too. We seem to attract the players who are disgruntled with their teams (ie Roy Williams, T.O.) or are in trouble with the law (Pacman). AND we gave up three picks next year for Williams; he better amaze me this season.
What does go through Jerry's mind? This ain't no correctional camp.
Great article. Can't wait for next weeks.
from about 1 month ago
dom, you're right on a few levels. i'm not sure how the compensation works for pacman, but consider it's at least one pick, that's four picks next year. uh-oh...
i've heard how jerry jones likes to take risks. no risk, no reward kind of mentality.
it's worked in the past with herschel walker and deion and michael irvin types--this time though, maybe not. "correctional camp"--good one.
thanks for reading and thanks for the pick!
about 1 month ago
The Cowboys WILL implode this season. Why you hatin' on Brett Farve? lol
from about 1 month ago
micah, not hatin' on favre necessarily.
i just think he handled the whole "i'm coming back" situation poorly and i think hs skills outside of green bay are diminished.
plus, it's kind of funny.
thanks for reading!
from about 1 month ago
Hey they will make the playoffs this year. =)
from about 1 month ago
i actually think you're right.
they're gonna ride those throwbacks all the way to the playoffs!
from about 1 month ago
heck yah!
about 1 month ago
haha ... great read. POTD
from about 1 month ago
chris,
thanks for checking in. and thanks for the pick!
glad you enjoyed it.
about 1 month ago
Romo is a pansy. I mean come on, a month for a pinkie? tape it up and go at it. you're in the NFL, cowboy. let's go.
from about 1 month ago
bob, i sort of agree.
i mean, i know it's his throwing hand and all, but a pinkie seems to be the least important digit in the throwing process. it's probably still important, but "suck it up" seems to be the mantra of the nfl.
don't some guys throw with their pinkie stretched out like their holding a cup of tea?
i think romo minus a pinkie is still better than a brad johnson who hasn't seen a field in three years.
thanks for reading!
from about 1 month ago
haha now he's sayin he might play apparently because i guess favre really did just call him up and say "wow, quit bein a bitch"
about 1 month ago
Adam Jones should have known that anything that he does would be magnified because of his history and the one year suspension. Yet, it was Jerry Jones who didn't do his job by not punishing him that Jones got suspended indefinitely. If Jones had suspended Jones for at least 2 games you wouldn't have seen Roger Goodell get involved.
Jerry Jones getting Roy Williams definitely helps the Cowboys. Terrell Owens will finally get more opportunities for catches thanks to Williams. It's something that the Cowboys have lacked since Terry Glenn got injured last year.
Yes Brad Johnson is the qb now for the Cowboys so teams don't really have to worry about him taking off to run or throw the ball deep. Expect more of Marion Barber.
I hope you were being sarcastic in saying that Eli is the new Peyton. Eli is nowhere near the qb that Peyton is.
If you asked a lot of pro football experts if the Browns were going to win against the undefeated New York Giants most of them would say they had no chance. That is why the game is played and Steve Young obviously felt like the Browns were going to get it together this week. Derek Anderson outplayed Eli Manning and the Browns came to play intercepting Manning 3 times. Chris Berman was probably having more fun then anything at poking a little fun at Steve Young for picking the Browns to win. So what? By the way no one I believe was thinking that any of the teams in the NFL were going to go undefeated anyways.
I somehow doubt that Brett Favre was calling Romo to rub it in that he is injured. Probably just telling him to keep his head up while he's out and to come back strong. They're not in the same division anymore maybe he wants to see a Cowboys vs Jets superbowl. Like that would happen.
so Miami likes to use the running backs. As they keep on doing that more and more teams are going to be able to identify it keep their corners on the wideouts and zero in on both running backs. Since most offenses do not do the wildcat formation as they see it more they'll be better prepared for it.
from about 1 month ago
steven, thanks for dropping by.
most of what i'm saying here is sarcasm, but veiled with a bit of truth.
don't take too much of what i say here too seriously.
or maybe you can.
i agree with your theory that williams helps the cowboys, as either he or t.o. do get double-teamed. however, what about your second assertion that johnson's prescence at qb means more marion barber? and do you think both of those receivers are going to quietly accept not getting the ball? and additionally, o.c. garrett has already shown he will abandon the running game like a gimp horse. witten gets all the touches in this scenario because b.j. can't get the ball downfield.
so, like i said, i think they're in for some serious trouble.
you don't think eli is the new peyton?
about 1 month ago
Nails? I've got bloody stubs for fingers after last Sunday.
Go to hell, NFL Sunday Ticket.
from about 1 month ago
eric, hah. that's awesome--"bloody stubs."
a little too graphic for my tastes, but you said it not me.
hate the ticket if you want, but remember, your chargers had a real nice win sunday night.
about 1 month ago
Funny and relevant as always.
Nice work
from about 1 month ago
buddy, thanks for that.
i appreciate it.
from about 1 month ago
Dude you're one of my favorite writers on the site. I love the 21st century adaptations of my Grandpa's style.
Pick up a copy of "The Devil You Say" by Joseph Breig on E-Bay if you get a shot. They're usually like eight bucks...WAY out of print. If you can't find one let me know and I'll see what we have in the family archives. (My aunt's attic.)
You'll love the book.
You present reasoned arguments and conduct yourself like a gentleman.
Thank YOU.
from about 1 month ago
buddy,
thank YOU. i will definitely check out the book.
thanks again.
about 1 month ago
Cowboys imploding, Giants looking like thier the best in the league (until monday night).. but i still cant wait to see these two duke it out over the next few weeks.
from about 1 month ago
jack, thanks for stopping by. the nfc east is going to beat each other to a pulp and the rest of the conference will benefit from it.
if the cowboys emerge from these distractions, you've gotta think they'll be a better team because of it.
about 1 month ago
I like it.
1. FREE PACMAN
2. Steve Young might be the smartest guy doing NFL commentary. Jaws may love football more, but Young has the ability to see the game and players from so many perspectives and provides so much insight.
from about 1 month ago
john, thanks man.
1. free pacman? maybe he should free himself first.
2. i actually enjoy steve young's take on the nfl. i just thought it was funny how he made the pick and all the espn guys thought it was funny and then he tried to play it off after the fact like he thought it was a super-solid pick.
thanks again!
about 1 month ago
Well done, sir!
from about 1 month ago
thanks angel. always appreciate what you have to say!
about 1 month ago
These letters are really terrific, Daniel, keep them coming!
from about 1 month ago
bob, thanks for reading and for the comments.
i will definitely keep them coming.
thanks again!
about 1 month ago
haha this is hilarious! thanks for sending me the link. keep it up; real entertainment!
from about 1 month ago
austin, i'm psyched that you enjoyed it.
thanks for reading and thanks so much for the pick!!
about 1 month ago
I like this article segment. I especially liked your second letter to Jerry Jones. Dallas seems to be in very bad shape right now.
I hope to read some articles of yours in the future.
from about 1 month ago
ian, thanks for reading. i'm glad you enjoyed it. you're right--dallas could be headed nowhere.
i'll make sure you know when anything new from me comes out.
thanks!!
about 1 month ago
Once again hilarious!!! So do you think the cowboys will make the playoffs the way this crap is going? lol
from about 1 month ago
andy, we'll see. they've gotta get it straigtened out quick!
week 7 is coming a day or so...stay tuned..
about 1 month ago
Once again hilarious!!! So do you think the cowboys will make the playoffs the way this crap is going? lol
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