Christmas is just around the corner. There will be plenty of people telling you "the perfect" gifts to give any soccer fan, but you won't find any guides that tell you what to get a soccer fan you don't care for much, or one that you want to get a reaction out of.
Warning: Give at your own risk!
6. Expired Match Tickets
This one is just flat out mean. And kinda cheap. You're basically paying for a piece of paper that has expired. This gift is extra cruel if it is to a match they really wanted to go to, or one you went to instead of them.
5. Something that Reminds Them of Better Seasons Past
Good fans stick to a team through the rough years, and a reminder that they're not on top will get chuckles from friends. A DVD of highlights from the 1990 Liverpool victory is sure to bring up some harsh feeling to a Liverpool FC fan.
Basically you're telling them, "Remember that one season where your team didn't suck? Yea, it was a long time ago." It's mean and funny, and will probably get a spiteful reaction out of the recipient.
4. The Wrong Kind of Football
While I call it soccer, I respect people who call it football (unless you're an American, then you're being confusing). If you give a soccer fan an American football ball and insist that it is the "real" football or a "real" sport, you're going to get anger. Don't be surprised if they throw it in your face, although they might not have good aim, being soccer fans.
3. A Framed Magazine or Newspaper Article Highlighting the Transfer or Failure of a Beloved Player
We all have our favorite soccer players, though we rarely have any control over what they do. A good fan will stick with a player if they are transferred to another team or make an embarrassing mistake on or off field. You can get a good stir of your buddy if you find an article of some embarrassing news for that player and get it framed.
Check for back issues of FourFourTwo or 90Minutes or other soccer magazines.
2. A Jersey for a Team They Hate
Any good soccer fan, make that sports fan, knows that rivalries are some of the most exciting parts of the sport. If your buddy loves Real Madrid, a Barcelona jersey is sure to get them worked up. Make sure you get it in their size as an added insult that you "know him" so well that you know his size.
1. An Altered Jersey from Their Favorite Team
While a jersey from a team they hate may seem like a spiteful gift to give, graffiti or dishonoring something they love is even harsher. Many people take personal offense to when people insult their team, so playing off this is the best way to upset a soccer fan.
Giving a Beckham fan a Beckham jersey with extra letters to make it say "Becklame" or Man United fan a Manchester United jersey with "wanker" on the back are just a few ideas of ways to directly insult the team they love so much.
Be careful though, some people may not think it's funny at all and make a swing for you.
What do you think? Have you ever given any of these? Will you give any of these ideas this Christmas? Have you ever received any of these things? Did I forget anything from this list? Let me know in your comments below.
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about 1 month ago
Hahaha! Brilliant! I can identify with point 3. Being a Man United and Germany fan and an ardent Ballack fan, I'm constantly reminded of his final failures :P
about 1 month ago
No 5 is MEAN , MEAN . MEAN! If someone did that to me , the inside of their intestines will be watching that DVD.
And i have alot of people threatening to give me a United shirt as a gift, but you know what. THey won't . Thats like pissing the hulk of and then handcuffing yourself to his leg :)
Death wish.
Great article! Love it!
5 *'s
about 1 month ago
Very true on all accounts and I have pretty much received every one
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